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I wish somebody would look at my pitiful outfit and open their wallet and say, "Oh, honey, would you go shopping?" --Deb Varani
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Speak softly, and wear a loud shirt. --Kimo's Rules
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I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. --Gilda Radner
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Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. --Jerry Seinfeld
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I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?" --Emo Philips
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Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for 75 cents. --Billiam Coronel
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I'm only wearing black until they make a darker color.
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Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year. --Fred Allen
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Men think they're more important than women because their jackets have secret inside pockets. --Rita Rudner
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If you're ever stuck in some thick undergrowth in your underwear, don't stop and start thinking of what other words have "under" in them, because that's probably the first sign of jungle madness. --Jack Handey
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Like jewels in a crown, the precious stones glittered in the queen's round metal hat. --Jack Handey
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I bought Odor Eaters. They ate for half an hour, then threw up. –Howie Mandel
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I’m glad earth tones are popular again. It means I don’t have to do laundry as often. –Reno Goodale
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I’m having a problem with these low-waisted pants. Who are these pants designed for? Teenage Vietnamese boys? I’m afraid if I drop my keys, I’ll look like a plumber. –Cory Kahaney
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Never wear anything that panics the cat. --P. J. O'Rourke
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My mother from time to time puts on her wedding dress. Not because she's sentimental. She just gets really behind in her laundry. --Brian Kiley
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People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs. --Alexi Sayle
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Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?
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For men, upon marriage you lose the ability to choose clothing for yourself. "Honey, what do you think? A striped shirt and a solid tie, or a solid shirt and a pair of mukluks? A Beatle wig and a grass skirt? Tell me, because I haven't used that part of my brain in several years. Why don't you just choose something, lay it out, and I'll be in the crib until we have to leave." --Paul Reiser
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I hate pantyhose. Although I occasionally wear Control Top because I've found there's no quicker way to flatten my tummy, and shut down my whole digestive tract. --Mercedes Wence
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You ever wear a bathing suit because you've run out of clean underwear? --Louis C.K.
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I can tell I'm getting older, because I find myself using words like "spacious," "roomy," and "comfortable" when I'm buying underwear. --Reno Goodale
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If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? --Linda Ellerbee
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I bought an irregular electric blanket. It's solar-powered. --Nick Arnette
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My father wore the pants in the family --at least, after the court order. --Vernon Chatman
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If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. --George Carlin
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After you’ve been married for a while, the women will start choosing your clothes. If you protest they’ll say, “Dressing is a privilege. You abused it and now you’ve lost it.” --Cary Long
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? --Unknown
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Mark Twain
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I bought a three-piece bikini. It's a top, a bottom, and a blindfold for you. --Wendy Liebman
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Fashion is something that goes in one year and out the other. --Denise Klahn
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I hate doing laundry. I don’t separate the colors from the whites. I put them together and let them learn from their cultural differences. –Rita Rudner
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You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker. --Zach Galifianakis
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She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on with a pitchfork. --Oliver Goldsmith
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