Funny Quotes Food -05
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The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook. --Julia Child |
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Pepperidge Farm bread… that’s fancy bread. You can tell it’s fancy because it’s wrapped twice. You open it, and it still isn’t open. That’s why I don’t buy it. I don’t need another step between me and toast. --Mitch Hedberg |
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Despite the fact that meat is made from dead animals, it shouldn't smell that way. Try this test for meat freshness: close your eyes and see if you can tell the pork chops from a gym locker. –P.J. O’Rourke |
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The only really good vegetable is Tabasco sauce. Put Tabasco sauce in everything. Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin. –P.J. O’Rourke |
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There's only one secret to bachelor cooking— not caring how it tastes. –P.J. O’Rourke |
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You can keep the dining room clean by eating in the kitchen. –P.J. O’Rourke |
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In Seattle you haven't had enough coffee until you can thread a sewing machine while it's running." --Jeff Bezos |
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President Obama had dinner with some of the top tech executives: the CEO of Facebook, the CEO of Apple, the CEO of Oracle, and their waiter, the CEO of MySpace." –Jay Leno |
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The price of oil is rising because of all the unrest in the Middle East. And the unrest in Wisconsin is causing the price of cheese to go through the roof." –Jay Leno |
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Ohio Congressman Dennis Kucinich has filed a lawsuit against the Congress cafeteria for damage done to his teeth after he ordered a sandwich wrap and bit into an olive pit. Dennis Kucinich biting into an olive pit is like a regular-sized person biting into a Bocce ball." –Jimmy Kimmel |
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This weekend in Arkansas, thousands of dead birds dropped out of the sky and there were 100,000 dead fish in the rivers. Also, McDonald's is having a special on Chicken McNuggets and Filet of Fish." –Jay Leno |
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President Obama plans to sign a $1.4 billion food safety bill. The most dangerous thing about American food? The portions." –Jay Leno |
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At President Obama's Super Bowl party, they had cheeseburgers and deep-dish pizza. So much for Michelle Obama's healthy eating initiative." –David Letterman |
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President Obama had dinner with some of the top tech executives: the CEO of Facebook, the CEO of Apple, the CEO of Oracle, and their waiter, the CEO of MySpace." --Jay Leno |
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Rush shouldn't talk [about Michele Obama's Anti-Obesity Campaign]. He would eat his own ribs if you put sauce on them." –Jimmy Kimmel |
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The price of oil is rising because of all the unrest in the Middle East. And the unrest in Wisconsin is causing the price of cheese to go through the roof." –Jay Leno |
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If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?" --Homer Simpson |
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Let us celebrate our agreement with the adding of chocolate to milk."--Homer Simpson |
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Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. --Woody Allen |
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As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. --Buddy Hackett |
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At the state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao, they served lobster. Which meant that for once, Joe Biden wasn't the only one wearing a bib." --Jimmy Fallon |
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The White House held a state dinner for Chinese President Hu Jintao. There were 200 people, a six-course dinner, and champagne. It was so expensive that we had to borrow money from China for the dinner." --David Letterman |
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My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. --Mike Meyers |
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Virtually anything can be made better by putting a runny fried egg on top of it. Especially Ryan Seacrest. --Andy Richter |
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Osama bin Laden is dead, which means the No. 1 threat to America is now the KFC Double Down." --Conan O'Brien |
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I won't eat anything that has intelligent life, but I'd gladly eat a network executive or a politician" --Marty Feldman |
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We finally have a deal on the debt ceiling. But get this – Democratic Congressman Emanuel Cleaver is referring to the plan as a 'sugar-coated Satan sandwich.' Or as Americans put it, 'Sugar-coated? Yum – I'll take six, please!'' –Jimmy Fallon |
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28 |
McDonald's is planning to open a restaurant every day in China for the next four years. It's nice — When kids get their Happy Meal toy, they're like, 'Cool! I made this.'" –Jimmy Fallon |
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29 |
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. --Carl Sagan |
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30 |
Food, one assumes, provides nourishment, but Americans eat fully aware that small amounts of poison have been added to improve its appearance and delay its putrefaction. --John Cage |
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INDEX