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If it weren't for the Japanese and Germans, we wouldn't have any good war movies. --Stanley Ralph Ross
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My husband is English and I'm American. I wonder what our children would be like. They'd probably be rude, but disgusted by their own behavior. --Rita Rudner
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I think racism is a terrible thing. I think we should all learn to hate each other on an individual basis. --Cathy Ladman
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I'm into Jewish bondage ...that's having your money tied up in an IRA account. --Noodles Levenstein
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I'm learning to speak Spanish by calling my bank and pressing the #2 button. --Paul Alexander
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I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead. --Sue Kolinsky
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My mom's your typical suburban Hindu. Just picture Donna Reed with a dot. --Shashi Bhatia
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The creator of Superman was Jerry Siegal. I'd never thought of Superman as Jewish, but as it turns out, he was using his X-ray vision to build up a dental practice. --Bill Maher
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The greatest pride, to this day, in a Jewish home is to have a son who is a doctor. Unless he's a little retarded ... a lawyer. If his mind doesn't work at all ... an accountant. --Jackie Mason
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Black names sound more like products you'd find in the drugstore. "My name is Advil, this is my wife, Cloret. Tylenol, you wanna turn the TV down, it's givin' me a headache! And the twins, Murine and Visine..." --Daryl Sivad
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Even if we *were* all color blind, I bet it would still be pretty easy to figure out everybody's race. --John Alejandro King
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Under this new congressional plan, illegal immigrants would be able to live in the United States if they pay a $5,000 fine. $5,000? So, that would rule out working people or parents trying to support a family. However, you would get to keep all the drug dealers. --Jay Leno
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Yesterday, President Bush talked about his immigration bill and said, 'The political process is two steps forward, one step back.' Then Bush said, 'It's just like the Hokey Pokey.' Then he did it for 40 minutes. --Conan O'Brien
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As I'm sure you know, President Bush's immigration bill failed to pass. To be fair, this is not the first time in his life George Bush has heard the words "failed to pass." --Jay Leno
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Borders Books has filed for bankruptcy and will close all 200 of its superstores. When Sarah Palin heard that she went, 'Finally, we're closing the borders.'" –Jimmy Fallon
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Mexico's president arrived in Washington. He's here to do the work that American presidents won't do." –Jay Leno
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