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I think Superman and Santa Claus are actually the same guy, and I'll tell you why: Both fly, both wear red, and both have a beard. --Jack Handey
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At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill. --Jack Handey
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I wish I had a kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula and Superman away. --Jack Handey
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I bet when Superman was invited to be a member of the Justice League, it took all his super powers to keep from busting out laughing. --John Alejandro King
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Voicemail Message: Hi, you have reached the Borg collective. Please leave your name and star system and we'll assimilate you as soon as we can."
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