Sponsors & Therapists: Shock Treatments Are Alive and Well!

by Fr. Bill Wigmore

Well, it’s that time of the year again. The holidays are finally over and now the 12-Step meetings all over town are filling up. You’d better get to your meeting early because the seats are going fast and it looks like we’re in for another bumper crop of new drunks and druggies! Seems there’s a near endless supply of us out there! So much for feeling special!

And some of these “new folks” who come into the program this year, they might have been seeing a private counselor or a therapist for a while; you know, trying that softer easier- way before thinking things were so bad they had to come and be with us! And more than a few of those folks are gonna be in for a big surprise when they get here. They’re going to discover there’s quite a difference between their very kind and very loving therapists and a 12-Step sponsor that seems to have sprung straight out of the gates of hell.

Someone sent me a little brochure a few years back – and it lists the twelve differences between a sponsor and a therapist. I’ll pass it on to you here with the hope that it might be helpful to anyone making that very difficult and god-awfully painful transition. The brochure says:

1.) Don’t expect your sponsor to be all that interested in hearing your long list and well thought-out reasons as to why you drank or drugged. They really don’t care! According to them we drink cause we’re drunks and we drug cause we’re addicts! Sponsors like to keep things very simple! Especially our rationalizations!

2.) Your therapist probably thinks your root problem is your lack of self-esteem, or maybe it all stems your negative self-image. Get ready for a change – because your sponsor thinks your root problem is: YOU!

3.) While your therapist wants to hear all about your "inner child” – and maybe have you give the kid a great big hug and a kiss every morning before breakfast - your sponsor thinks, if that kid exists at all, he probably ought to be "spanked" or maybe even "taken out and shot!"

4.) Your therapist tells you, “Don’t be afraid to open your mouth and learn to express yourself” – Your sponsor tells you to “Shut-up - and stick a sock in it!”

5.) Your therapist wants you to hear all about your painful childhood experiences – Your sponsor tells you that any inventory you take ought to be yours – and not your parents!

6.) Your sponsor tells you, “Not only shouldn’t you confront your parents for what they did to you, you might even consider making some amends to them for what you did to them!”

7.) Your therapist tells you to “go with that feeling” – Your sponsor says, “Go to that meeting!”

8.) Your sponsor thinks "boundaries" are things you probably need to start tearing down and not go around building up.

9.) Your therapist wants you to “love yourself” - Your sponsor wants you to love others first! (But none of that special kind of loving we all like for at least a year! -- Maybe six months if you get a softie!)

10.) Your therapist prescribes care-taking and medication - Your sponsor prescribes prayer-making and meditation.

11.) The only time your sponsor ever uses the word "closure" is before the word ---"mouth."

And 12), After you’ve been with them for a year and finally get to celebrate that first birthday, your therapist thinks you should make a list of your goals and objectives for the next five years, starting with getting that GED or finishing off that college degree. Your sponsor thinks you should spend your birthday just like any other day – cleaning coffeepots, emptying ashtrays and making those amends you’ve been dreading and putting off ever since you arrived.

So much to learn - and so little time to teach them!