Recovery
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Two Wishes |
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One day a drunk was walking on beach and came across a bottle that had washed up on shore. When he opened it a genie appeared and in gratitude for having been freed by the drunk she promised to grant him two wishes. For his first wish he asked for a special unbreakable decanter that would always be full of liquor and that would pour whatever type of liquor he wanted at the time, whether it was gin or whiskey or whatever, so that he would never have to worry about running out of alcohol again. "Granted," she said and the requested decanter appeared on the sand on the beach. "Now what is your second wish?" The drunk replied "I want another decanter just like this one." Thoughts Can we remember the times when all we wanted was "more"? Are we grateful to have been freed from that compulsion? Are we doing anything today to help someone who is still suffering from that affliction? Did we say "thank you" to God last night? Did we say "please" this morning on our knees? |
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A Better Yesterday To get sober we must "completely and utterly abandon all hopes of a better yesterday." We get to the point where we quit wasting energy and emotions on things over which we no longer have control. Where possible we make amends for things we have done while drinking, but we come to accept that we can't go back and do things all over again. Thoughts Have we really come to the realization that we can't do things all over again? Have we made amends so that we can start living today, one day at a time, without the fear that is a part of never facing things? |
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"There are only two times you have to go to meetings -- when you feel like it and when you don’t feel like it." When we listen to people coming in to get another desire chip after a little further "field research," we usually hear them tell about how they started drifting away from the program, cutting down on meetings, not talking their sponsors, and not reading the Big Book. Thoughts How are we doing on our meetings? Do we come late and leave early? Do we extend our hand in friendship to the newcomer? Do we complain that the same old people share, but don’t get involved in the group conscience to try something new? Do we think about what we can bring to a meeting as much as what we can take from a meeting? |
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Looking But Not Seeing When we had been sober for awhile, we realized that there many things we had looked at but had not really seen, many examples of how drinking and drugging did not result in a life worth living and how sobriety and caring and contributing did. We heard but did not listen; we experienced but did not perceive. Thoughts Are we now ready to see, to hear, to perceive the good and bad examples with which we are so abundantly supplied? What type of example do we want to be to others? |
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During our drinking years, some of us rarely interrupted our great leaps into flights of imaginary accomplishments long enough to see the mess we were making of things in the real world. It is now deeply satisfying to "trudge the road of happy destiny" in the here and now instead of taking the surreal rollercoaster ride of the alcohol and drug express. Thoughts Isn't it nice to be "here" for our families and employers and communities every day instead of being off somewhere in an imaginary, alcohol-enhanced world of grandiose plans that were rarely started and never accomplished? |
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"Nothing changes if nothing changes."
Having seen that others in AA were able to change their drinking, we came to believe that we too could change our drinking. And we learned that changing us was accomplished by taking steps, not just wishing for it. Then we took the steps and saw change in ourselves, in terms of drinking and otherwise. Thoughts We changed our drinking because we had no alternative. Are there other areas of our lives we would like to change? Are we ready to take action to change things without it being a life-threatening issue? How about just to be happier or to make others happier? |
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Station Wagon Someone once likened the last years of drinking to driving around a hundred miles an hour in an old station wagon just throwing wrappers and empty cans in the back and never slowing down and never emptying out the back. And then when we do stop drinking its like slamming on the breaks and everything comes crashing into the driver’s seat. When we do the fourth step, we realize who put all that garbage in the car we’ve been driving; in the fifth step we admit it to someone else; in the sixth we become willing not to want to do that anymore; in the seventh we ask God to remove those defects of character; in the eighth we list those people we made ride around with us, in the ninth we make amends to them; and in the tenth we notice if we start reverting to old habits. And hopefully somewhere in there we clean out all the old trash and stop throwing new trash in the back. Thoughts: What’s the station wagon of our life look like nowadays? Do we still have people trapped in the car with us? Are we sober but still doing the same old stuff expecting a different result? |
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Resentment Someone once said that harboring a resentment is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. Thoughts: Are we harboring resentments and thinking that someone but us is paying for it? Aren't we really poisoning ourselves and ruining our serenity and our peace of mind? Shouldn't we work the steps and empty the poison so we can put something else in our cup? |
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SLIP A "slip" is sometimes defined as "Sobriety Losing Its Priority." It's when we stop doing the things we did to get sober. It's a return to the insane thinking that somehow this time when we drink it will be different. It is only possible when we lose the gut-level knowledge and certainty that we are powerless over alcohol and that our lives are unmanageable when we use alcohol. Thoughts: |
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Some things take time to heal. When we’ve been verbally abusive, it can take a long time of changed behavior before those we’ve abused can believe our sincerity in making amends. The consequences of years of financial irresponsibility will not disappear overnight. We just need to keep in mind that "time takes time." Thoughts Can we be content to see progress rather than perfection in relationships and situations? Are we using the inability to achieve perfection as an excuse not to make any progress? Is this a case where, "The best is the enemy of the good," meaning that in an unachievable quest for perfection we miss many of the good things we could achieve? |
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Two Worse Things It is sometimes said, only in half-jest, that the two worst things that can happen to an alcoholic are abject failure and unqualified success. In either case he or she may be tempted to stop working the program. Thoughts Can we remember that there is a physical component to being alcoholic and that physical component is no more likely to change over time than our DNA? Can we remember that there is nothing so bad that drinking can't make it worse and there's nothing so good that it can't be ruined by drinking? |
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Fourth Step Perfection It is not humanly possible to do a "perfect" Fourth and Fifth Steps. The Big Book itself says that in the Fourth Step that we identified our "grosser handicaps" (p. 71), and later it says that in the Fourth Step we ascertained in a "rough way" what the trouble is. (p. 72). We are like people who are putting their lives together after their house has been flooded -- there's no need to worry about dust on the windowsills while there are tree stumps washed into the living room. We do first things first and then worry about the less important things later. Thoughts Are we hiding behind "perfection" because we are afraid of the steps necessary for progress? |
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Small Change Most of the times we would like to have dramatic improvements in our lives, and we barely notice small changes. But small change adds up. For example, pennies in sales taxes pay for sports stadiums and highway systems. Try getting a jar for your favorite charity and put a penny in it every time you go through a door -- it'll add up, just like small changes in our daily lives add up to major changes in our new way of living. Thoughts Should we keep our last sobriety chip or medallion in with our loose nickels and dimes to remind us what we need to do -- "change" -- just a little each day? |
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Came To In AA we came, we came to, and we came to believe. Which is another way of saying that we bring our bodies and our minds follow and then, best of all, if we do the steps, we get a spirituality and a serenity that can come from only one place. Thoughts Where are we in the journey of coming, coming to, and coming to believe? Are we moving ahead or letting ourselves slide back to the Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, and Despair of our former lives? |
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Sand Castles Everyone builds sand castles in the sky sometimes. It's just that sometimes alcoholics try to live there. Thoughts Have we found the balance between day dreaming and optimism; between self-delusion and lofty aspiration? Can't we tell the difference by whether we're actually doing something today to make our dreams or goals a reality? |
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Missing Meetings Someone at a meeting expressed the view that "When I miss one meeting, I know it, when I miss two meetings, my family knows it, and if I miss three days, everyone knows it." Simply stated, meetings keep those memories alive of the way it used to be, they give us an opportunity to do something to feel better by trying to help someone else. Thoughts Are doing our part so that the hand of AA is always there when a newcomer shows up needing a welcome and needing to hear how we got sober? Or are we still so self-absorbed that we think that the meetings were just to get us sober? |
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In Memoriam For all those alcoholics who reached the jumping off point as described in the Big Book* and reached for a gun or a rope or an overdose instead of reaching for a phone or a sponsor or a Big Book: We miss you and you and your families are in our prayers. Thoughts Are we really grateful for that moment of clarity that led us to sobriety? Does that gratitude express itself in action to help the newcomer? * "Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end." (p. 152) |
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Push Ups If we ever think we have this deal licked, we need to remember that while we're in a meeting, while we're doing our 12th step work, and while we're spending time trying to be good parents and good husbands and good wives and good employees, our disease is waiting in the parking lot, doing push ups. In other words, the physical part of this disease progresses, whether or not we're drinking. Thoughts Have we fallen into the trap of thinking we have this deal licked? Can we remember that we only have a daily reprieve, contingent on the maintenance of a fit spiritual condition? (see p. 85 of the Big Book) |
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HALT Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. These are things we are warned against when we come into AA. Because when we become too hungry, too angry, too lonely or too tired, we may seek false relief in alcohol. Many of us came into AA after years of abusing ourselves so it was a revelation that we needed to take care of ourselves. And AA provided the tools to deal with at least some of these basic items like anger or loneliness. Thoughts When we're hungry can we take the time to slow down and eat? When we're tired, can we remember to maybe go to bed a little early? When we're angry can we remember to use the tool of forgiveness and prayer, or make an amends if we're at fault? Are we missing meetings and skipping service work while sitting at home alone feeling lonely? Or would we rather drink? |
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Feel Better When we first come in to AA we just want to feel better -- and we find that we do. Without the anesthetizing effect of alcohol we feel a lot of things better, things that have been numbed for years, like the anger and irritability and a sense of loss, possibly even guilt. But with the help of our new friends and our rediscovered higher power, we get through this period and find that the roller coaster ride we call life doesn't have as severe ups and downs anymore, and they don't seem to last so long. And we find out that if we want to feel good we need to do good. Thoughts: How are we feeling lately? Do we let ourselves be free to feel, secure in the knowledge that feeling alone won't kill us? |
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Anger Stage When we first get sober, a lot of us experience feelings of anger. This is not too surprising considering that we had been anesthetized for years, numbed out by alcohol. Some of us also consider it a normal grieving process we go through as we adjust to the passing of our old way of life. In this view, anger is a normal part of the grieving process that consists of denial, anger, negotiation, depression and acceptance. Thoughts: Have we really admitted to ourselves that we were and are powerless over alcohol? Have we accepted that reality? How can we get on with our new lives if we can't quit grieving about our old lives? |
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RID The Big Book talks about alcoholics feeling "restless, irritable and discontented." (Doctor's Opinion, p. 4). As we gain sobriety we watch out for those RID feelings because they are warning signs of a deteriorating spirituality. And without spirituality sobriety becomes harder to hold onto. Thoughts How are we today on the RID scale? When we experience the warning signs, do we remember to reach into our AA tool kit and use one or more tools? For example, call a sponsor, get to a meeting, help someone? Maybe even try some of that conscious contact with our Higher Power? |
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Whinery AA meetings should be a place where people can bring their problems. No question. And we need to share some of our experience as part of our stories. But members with some sobriety have an obligation to make sure that the solution is part of every meeting. All whining and war stories with no solution and no gratitude is like being at a "whinery," almost like being back on a bar stool. Thoughts Are we contributing to the solution or just to an elaboration of the problem at the meetings we go to? At the risk of repetition, are we contributing to the solution or just to an elaboration of the problem at the meetings we go to? |